I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before, or after, they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

The litter box is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the television.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.