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The
sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"
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You tell your dog to sit, and he backs
up until he finds a chair
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It takes 3 people to get your dog on
the scale at the vets
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You walk your dog and everyone knows
him by name, but you have no idea who these people are
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You can carry on a conversation with
a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch
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You own a dog capable of pulling someone
from a porta potty
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Your dog can hide an entire tennis ball
(among other things) fully inside his lips and give you that
innocent look that says, "What? I'm not eating anything!"
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You carry a tape measure with you when
shopping for a new vehicle
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You keep at least one color-coded "drool
towel" in every room of your house
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After banishing your husband, the snoring
in your bedroom still keeps you awake
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You are hiking with a friend who later
suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement
done on your dog
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visitors
enter the house holding their privates protectively
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You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his
head on the top of the doorway
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You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your
arm, causing you to make random right turns
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You have given up on water dishes and you just use the
bathtub
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Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end
up pulling the ceiling fan down for the second time
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You have to move over when brushing your teeth because
your dog wants a drink
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You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and
the first person you point out is your dog
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While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your
car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the
window
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You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there
on the ceiling
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You avoid the dogs on your way out the door, so they won't
smear your makeup
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You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have
a saddle for that thing?"
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The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment
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Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool,
build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane
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You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and
the dishes are in the sink
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The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone
when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose
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Your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist
you in the preparation
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You're holding him straddled between your legs when the
doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight
to the door
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The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the
end of the sidewalk
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Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick
his head in the drive-through window at MacDonald's and nearly
gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to
give you your change
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You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see
the program when he stands in front of the television
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After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise
around the vet's office-- pulling the rolling IV stand behind
him
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You get in the gown and your doctor asks " does your husband
beat you?
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Wet socks become a part of life.
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You can't get in your own front door after going food shopping!
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Your neighbor calls and ask you when did you get the new
pony out in your field.
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Hunters report seeing bear tracks on the dirt road where
you have just walked your dogs
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Your favorite couch is no longer yours
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It takes 3 adults to lift the dog up on the examining table
at the Vet's office
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Some bonehead asks if that is ah ah Masta, ah yeah, ah right,
a Mastadon? Right?
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The stick goes into the woods while playing fetch, and your
dog brings back a 15 foot tree instead
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You can look out your window across 50 acres and spot the
dog poo piles
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You have the entire table covered with plastic until the guests
are due to arrive....... (you tried to cover the furniture
but it didn't work)
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All the normal size sticks and branches are left alone, but
your large logs for the fireplace have been scattered all
over the yard
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You have to tell your vet " you examine him like a cow" (on
the floor where he stands not on the table)
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A Tornado is coming and you take refuge in the trench in your
backyard
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You have to warn company about the sink holes in the yard
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Guests walk in your house and see your dogs sitting happily
on all the furniture, and you are happily sitting on the floor
watching television
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You hear the sound of lapping water from the bathroom and
you know someone left the lid up
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If you leave the closet door open--your new
Italian leather pumps are totally destroyed by your new puppy
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You never get to soak in the tub, and/or sit on the toilet
undisturbed or alone again!
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Mastiff puppies always know which plants in your flower beds
are the most expensive and assist in their disposal
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